The Gospel reading during today’s Divine Liturgy included Luke’s accounts of Jesus raising Jairus’ daughter and of the woman with an issue of blood who was healed when she touched the hem of Jesus’ garment. I was more engaged during the whole service today than usual, including during the readings. For twelve years this woman struggled with her health crisis, which became also a financial crisis. And Jairus’ daughter was 12 years young when she… died. One family had a joyous event 12 years prior, and one woman began her personal nightmare that same year. Now both the woman and the girl’s father ended up in the same place this day, both showing up with faith in Christ, and both drew near at about the same time. And the woman’s faith ended up bolstering the faith of the father when, after he heard the news of his daughter’s death, Jesus turned to him and used very similar words as He just used with the now-healed woman – she’ll be “made whole”. Our priest emphasized the woman’s faith that brought her there, and said she received more than she came for – she was made whole.
Sometimes when I feel that maybe it’s been too long since I’ve last been to confession, I figure that I shouldn’t go forward to receive communion. I was in that situation today – should I go forward or wait until after confession. In these situations, the words of the Church always strike me, “in the fear of God, and with faith and love draw near”. The woman with the health crisis did just that, and my mind was drawn back to her when I decided to go forward. I need Christ, and I want to push through the crowd and at least touch His hem and be made whole.
In the back of the line, I couldn’t see what was happening up front, only the back of people’s heads. But I could see people way at the front bending down (kids receiving communion), doing things… commotion. The activity up there showed that He was here, and everyone wanted to get forward (“…as he went the people thronged him”). We were more orderly than the crowd that day. As I got closer, I thought about the woman getting closer to her turn. And as always, I got more nervous the closer I got. Judging from the woman’s reaction after her healing (“…she came trembling, and falling down before him”), I’m thinking she was also pretty nervous when she first approached, before anyone knew she was there. She wasn’t so brazen as to approach from the front (she “came behind Him”), and she used anonymity to cloak herself. I had no such anonymity. It was my turn, and I was “outed” just before I got there, (as she was after her encounter)… “the servant of God, George…” Announced by name no less, and with every reason to tremble and fall down before Him as the woman had when she “saw that she was not hid”. Being immediately before the King of Glory who is surrounded by throngs of angels, and your name gets announced. I didn’t fall down before Him, but I did tremble, if only inwardly, and received the Body and Blood of Christ.
The Epistle reading today (from Ephesians) serves as a most appropriate commentary to the Gospel – “by Grace you are saved through faith, not of works…” and, we are “created in Christ Jesus for good works”. The woman was clearly saved by Grace through her faith, and apparently continued in good works. We know from the Church historian Bishop Eusebius that she later erected a statue honoring Christ in Ceasaria Phillipi. Eusebius actually saw this statue sometime around 300 A.D., and mentioned a plant that grew up onto the hem of the sculpted cloak and had healing properties.
I was dealing with the exact same thoughts this week, George. Last Sunday’s walk toward the Chalice as a long one for me, as it’s been awhile since I’ve been to confession. In fact, I pulled my priest aside at coffee hour and said “Father, I need to schedule a confession. I caught the boy stealing and I lost my cool. It’s time for both of us to confess.”
I was a little surprised by his reaction when he chuckled. My priest has an amazing way of letting me know that it’s not as bad as I think it is, but he did tell me to call him “anytime” to set it up. I think it’s essential that I do, as my son has yet to experience confession in the Orthodox Church, and my stomach is in knots–which usually means it’s time to let it out.
Now YOU need to confess for lying to me when you told me I probably wouldn’t find much in your blog! Right off the bat I found someone sharing the exact same struggle as I am.
In Christ,
Don
Thanks Don. I got my confession taken care of, finally, Tuesday evening. I forgot to add the part about lying to you – will have to save that for next time.
Happy Thanksgiving.
“In the back of the line, I couldn’t see what was happening up front, only the back of people’s heads. But I could see people way at the front bending down (kids receiving communion), doing things… commotion. The activity up there showed that He was here, and everyone wanted to get forward (“…as he went the people thronged him”).”
-I now know what this looks like. Today was my first Liturgy…I’ll be back.
Tyler – that’s great. I wondered, after reading that you went to Vespers Saturday, whether you’d be attending Divine Liturgy. I wish I knew more of your story.
Oh, well I’d love to share!
I had a very “dramatic” conversion experience, and felt a closeness to GOD for the first few years after becoming Christian. Approximately 4 or 5 years later, I stumbled upon Reformed Presbyterian theology. I was baptized at Old Stone Pres. Church in Cleveland, OH, and when I was converted to Christ I was floating around in non-denominational churches, so after heeding a suggestion given to me by my aunt, who is herself a lifelong Presbyterian, I sought out the local Presbyterian church in downtown san diego, ca. During this time I had begun listening to the White Horse Inn. The hosts are all very dogmatically reformed and have no patience for anything “spiritual.” Well, anything “falsely” spiritual; so in reaction they discount all spiritual experience, if you will. Well, fast forward through 4 or 5 more years, listening to and reading nothing buy highly reformed literature, and here I am. I don’t know when this search started; perhaps when I was “saved.” But there were markers along the way. I can probably say the one thing that did it for me, that let me knew it was Orthodoxy I was looking for, was when I read the first chapter of Kallistos Ware’s book, “The Orthodox Way.” The first chapter is entitled, “God as Mystery.” This chapter not only frustrated to no end (I think I tossed the book down in anger a few times during the reading of that chapter), but it also brought me back to my first love, the more “mystical” experience of GOD I had as a new believer in the faith.
So I immediately (generally speaking) unsubscribed to all my reformed podcasts, I threw away my subscription form for Modern Reformation magazine, deleted all the Reformed websites from my internet browser and immersed myself in the Orthodox faith.
The reason I like where I’m going now, namely Orthodoxy, is that I’m not going into just another set of theological rules. No, I’m going back to GOD, to Jesus, and really more importantly to the Holy Trinity and Its Church.
This is my story thus far. By the way I’m glad you asked.
Just to clarify, I was baptized as an infant, but had walked away from the church in high school.
So that’s where I’m at.
Tyler,
Most interesting – there’s a lot to what you said. I’ve been buried with work issues here, hoping to get some breathing air shortly.
I liked hearing about your tossing of Bishop Ware’s book down in anger, and a “few times” at that! That suggests that truth really matters to you, and if you threw it down a few times, you must have picked it back up an equal number of times.
I spent a little time in the Westminster Confessional, attended a Presbyterian church here for awhile. It’s my brother-in-law’s church, and since we became Orthodox, he will have nothing to do with us, and is “100% certain that we’re going to hell”. In fact, my wife’s whole family has written us off – each of them clings to a very different form of Protestantism, they all believe each other to be mostly wrong, but we’re beyond the pale. I hope you’re not facing much opposition on your path (although my experience has been that I dig most fervently when challenged – so in a way I should thank my adversaries more than my friends).
Prior to dabbling in Reform theology, I had spent most of my life in Charismatic churches (Assy of God), so I can relate to your sense of the “mystical” that you missed and wanted to get back to, your “first love” as you called it. It was this aspect of Orthodoxy that drew me as well, and seems to draw a lot of former Charismatics… I saw one author contrast Orthodoxy and Charismatic Protestantism as “having your fire in the fireplace, rather than burning down your house”. Do you have any accounts of Orthodox Saints to read, especially recent saints that it’s easier to relate to? I was quite affected by St. Seraphim of Sarov, St. Nectarios of Aegina, and some from Mount Athos. To me (and to my sponsor in the faith), if these men exemplify the Orthodox life, then I wanted to be Orthodox – because they were the clearest examples of pure Christianity I’d ever encountered.
Anyway – gotta run, but I’ll be back.
I have heard of Saint Seraphim, but not the others. I don’t have any books on the lives of Saints, but like I said in Father Stephen’s blog, that’s what I want to do now: read the lives of Saints.
Ya know, it’s a funny thing you should ask about opposition. Today was the first real day my pastor confronted me on this issue. What you say is exactly true of those at my church: Everyone there thinks every other Protestant and even Reformed church is wrong and that everyone who does not think the Gospel like Tim Keller does is going to hell or is a complete moralist. So, our conversation did not go well. In addition to that, my assoc. pastor now wants to “have a talk” tomorrow. Ahhh yes, I’ve never seen these two guys so worked-up about anything before in my life. Once someone talks about converting it is as if a tornado was about to sweep through town or something.
Hey if you have an email address I would love to share some of the other things I was told today by my pastor. I’d rather not spill any thing too detailed here. Not that it’s anything too personal, but ya know. I’d like to get your opinion on the opposition, as you called it, and how I should approach it all. By the way thank you for replying. I was really interested in reading what you would have to say about what I wrote. Again, I find your comments about your Brother-in-law and his church VERY similar to what I’m experiencing now. I could not imagine what all the elders would say to me. In fact I’m sure I’ll get some sort of treatment from them all once the word gets around.
Oh and I did finish Ware’s book and loved every minute of it.